Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
