i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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