she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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