guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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