so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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