I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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