i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
