Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
