I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
