My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
soo... how was my night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
