I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize