Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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