Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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