My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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