I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
