he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
