I didn't shave. On purpose
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
