your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
