I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
