Michael Bay diarrhea
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
