I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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