I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
