So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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