my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
