I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
