apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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