i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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