So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
