why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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