Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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