...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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