I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
