Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
