She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
