she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
