dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
