last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
