Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When are your genitals available?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
