perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
