Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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