He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this will be a night to untag.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
