don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
