dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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