i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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