bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
