I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
