so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
