What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
