Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
