It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize